Thursday, April 19, 2007

I love you, friend...

I love you. Three simple words never uttered by you or me. Could life have been different had we said those words to each other?

It all started innocently. You offered a ride to my roommate and we met. Then you kept coming back after that. You’d call in the middle of the night just to say hi, and we’d end up talking till the wee hours of the morning. You’d make a trip to see us and we’d go out for lunch or dinner. You’d send me letters and I’d answer back. Life was sweet.

Then one time while talking on the phone, you hinted at something I did not really understand at that time. And when I next saw my roommate, she told me that you had left for the States. Shock at the news, hurt that you never said goodbye, wondering what I did wrong… mixed emotions, really. I got one letter from you that I excitedly replied to, but after that, nothing. So I moved on.

I got married, had kids, got separated, almost forgot about you and came here, a little closer to you, but nevertheless still worlds apart. And then I found you by accident. I wasn’t sure, but I was curious if it was indeed you. Memories of the time we shared surfaced in my mind. I felt conflicted. I wanted to know how you were, but I was also afraid that you had forgotten about me, a girl from the province that you once spent some time with. Curiosity got the better of me, I sent you a message and you replied. It is indeed you, a long lost friend, an interrupted lover, a stranger.

Surprisingly, there was no awkwardness between us. It’s as if the distance and the years apart never existed. We are still friends. We exchanged stories, trying to catch up with each others lives. A question remained unasked. An answer never given. We talked of you making it here. The hardships you had to go through to get to where you are now. The sacrifices you had to make… and the love you found. We talked of me, how I ended up here, how my priorities changed, what my plans were… and the love I lost.

I thought of fate, of destiny trying to test our wills. Why did we find each other again after all these years in a foreign land, if we were not meant to be together? You had a fiancĂ©e and you have just gotten married. I had a husband and now I am by myself. Isn’t life unfair? And then it dawned on me. We are meant to be together and it will be forever, but not as partners in life, but rather as great friends. A pillar of strength when one is weak, the voice of wisdom in the midst of confusion, a hand to hoist us up when we are down, someone who believe when we doubt, someone to light the way, lead when we go astray, and yes, love, unconditionally, never judging, always accepting, understanding and forgiving.

I love you. There, I said it. Will saying it change anything? No, because we are to each other as we’ve always been meant to be, the greatest of friends.

4 comments:

Diana said...

Ouch.

Naka-relate ako dun, given my situation with you-know-who.

Sometimes we don't know why certain people cross our path--or come back into our lives, in your case--and it's frustrating when you can't be together (in a romantic relationship) when you connect so well. But maybe that's what friendship is for...As you said, you can be together forever, not as partners in life but as great friends. It's not easy to make the sacrifice, but it has to mean something.

Thanks for sharing this and letting me know that I'm not alone. Take care.

Mom Tu-Tu said...

Very beautiful writing!

Heart of Rachel said...

Hi Maria. Sometimes, it's so hard to understand life. But I'm sure there's a good reason for everything. Maybe you're better off as friends. Perhaps, you can have a better relationship that way. I'm glad that despite the years, you still found one another and you can have another chance to rekindle the friendship that you once shared.

maria said...

Hi Diana,

Thanks for passing by. Yes, it is frustrating, but I am glad he's back in my life. What I found out is that we are not really alone, we just have to find the right person to share our experiences with. I'm glad I found you.

Hi Mom Tu-Tu,

Thanks. Nice of you to drop by. I agree with you, I do not enjoy cleaning :)

Hello Rache,

Feels weird calling you that when people call me by the same name :) Yes, I am thankful that we found each other again, and I think so is he.