life cut short...

Elizabeth Bedia Magaru

October 14, 1957 - December 5, 2007

My sister, Ate Beth, died of cardiac arrest at 1:53am of December 5, 2007.

A life left behind...

A few years back, I left the Philippines for the land of milk and honey. I did not want to go, certainly never meant to stay, but circumstances necessitated my journey and responsibilities warranted me to stay. I made my choices, and though at times I think about what could have been if I had not left, I am here, living a different life.

A life left behind... I beg to differ. I did not leave my life. I am living it. A different place, a different time, with different friends, but most certainly still my life. Some friends, now long gone, still, some remained the same. Life changes for sure, but life is never left behind.

Change... sometimes it is hard to keep up. Oftentimes we blame others for imposing changes in our lives. But change we must, because it is the only way to move on, to live life, to be alive. We can spend all our time looking back, wishing to get back what we lost, hoping to go back to what we had... wanting that life we left behind, but it would all be in vain. For time has moved on and what once was can never be again. It is hard, I kid you not, but live in the present we must, for it is all we have. What we make of our present will set the foundations of our past and pave the way for our future.

Choices... I made a lot of them, some good, others never to be repeated. All done with good intentions, these choices nevertheless imposed my will on others. Regrets? I think not. At times, I still question the wisdom of choices I made, only to realize that there is no need to wonder, but there is a need to understand, and a need to accept the choices made and the consequences that came with it.

As a parent, I had to make choices. I must initiate change. Years ago, I questioned why there was a need for me to follow. That is the folly of the young. I now realize, there will always be a time in one's life where we need to follow and a time when we will have to lead. When I was young, I followed and I questioned... now that I am older, I lead and get questioned. A life left behind... had I kept looking back, I would not be where I am now. I would not have seen the places I have been, nor would I have met the people I know now. I would have missed the opportunity life had given me, and that would have been the greatest tragedy... a life not lived because of the desire for that life left behind.

A Big Thank You

Wow! This is the first time I got an award for my blog, and such a great one too... I would like to thank Rachel, of Heart of Rachel for this award. I never thought blogging would be such a rewarding experience and a great way to gain new even if virtual friends.

I too would like to share this award to some people, who in one way or the other touched my life.

Ralline - She's a big woman with an even bigger heart, thoughtful and generous to her friends and totally dedicated to her family. She made my entire family feel like an extension of her own family. I feel really blessed to be her friend.

Ella - Usually the silent one in our group, but don't let that fool you. I admire her drive to go places and simply enjoy what life has to offer, as is evident with every picture she takes. A woman with very few but always meaningful words.

Carl - We've never really been together. I haven't seen him in years, but I always have this comfortable feeling about him. I am a great admirer of his work (Zsa Zsa Zaturna, among other things), not to mention he's been my "Papa Carl" for as long as I've known him ;)

two things...

Hu hu hu... my poor hand. Sprained a tendon (accdg. to Dr.) on my left wrist while re-shelving books at work. Since they are very strict with injuries at work, I had to go see a doctor right away. Waited long... as we all tend to do when we want to see a doctor. The Doc squeezed and twisted my wrist which made it hurt all the more. Now it hurts more than when I first got to the hospital to see him. And so he needed to give me pain killers which would render ME inoperable or rather incapacitated for the next couple of days.

And then I saw this(car on fire) on my way to my other job...
So I just said to myself, someone's day is worse than my own... shouldn't complain, hay!

Halloween 2007

One of the fellows at work brought this mask for Halloween and was kind enough to let me borrow it so I can have a picture of me in a costume... pretty cool ! spoon nose ;)

torture week

I have now been officially stuck indoors for a week. The wildfires made it impossible for me to go out for extended periods. Last week, I thought I was having a heart attack when I cannot breath all of a sudden. I had to stop walking and take gulps of breaths to no avail... I walked on to get inside the library and started inhaling and exhaling. Mind you, if I wasn't able to breath properly after 5 more minutes I probably would have called 911, never mind my phobia of emergency rooms.

Fortunately, after a few more minutes I seem to be okay. I did call my doctor just to be sure. She wanted me to go to the ER in the beginning, but I said unless I'm about to die, I don't think the ER is an option. Who would relish having to wait for hours for some resident to take a look at you then send you home? Not to mention the cost of going in the first place. So she asked me to tell her everything that happened, what I felt, etc. And I did. Turns out that since it's been really windy and the fact the we had 16 fires going all over California, smoke has a way of getting in your lungs even though you're miles away from the fire itself. Solution? Stay indoors, close all windows and doors, have the aircondition at recycled air, do not drive with windows open, have an air purifier on at all times, limit outside exposure at a minimum... and on and on and on... man I have more things to remember for this than when I hurt my back.

I am now a little cranky for not being able to do anything, not that I do a lot of things, but just the thought of "can't do it because" is enough to irritate the hell out of me. TV helped a little, the internet surely, but boy! hopefully the air clears a bit so it'll at least be "safe" to go outdoors again. Hopefully my excitement over my new bike won't wane by the time I can do it again...

The only good thing out of these fires? A really spectacular sunrise. Yes, it looks like a sunset, but it really is sunrise... I guess air quality still very low, but hey, you do get to enjoy the view.

great times

Lantern Parade (UP Diliman) '90 or '91

I can't believe it! A picture from about 16 years ago... (from Igor). I miss those days...

new hobby...

I recently bought a new bike... maybe now I can have some sort of exercise ;p
At Venice Beach after a long ride on my new bike...
Kyla's sporting a new "pink" bike... hopefully this will help her lose the extra pound she thinks she has (don't ask me where... surely a teenager's thing)
Stopping for a much needed snack and drink. Good thing all 3 bikes fit in our car.

Happy Birthday Mom and Sis

Late posting... My mom and sister just celebrated their birthdays last October 7 and 14 respectively. Here are some photos...

the birthday cake...

My Mom and sis...

Sunday Scribblings #81

My first act as Queen of the World would be...

Oh my, no question about it... it will have to be to have Pierce Brosnan over for dinner. What?! Can't I do that? I can, I am Queen of the World am I not? It's just that I've been a fan of his for so long and I have yet to see him in person. Now with that taken cared of, we can move on to other stuff :)

*violence would have to be eradicated. I've seen enough of it to last me a thousand lifetimes.

*ice cream should be free ;p

----hmm... maybe add chocolate to that too...

*create a cleaner, greener world.

*coffee/tea time a must everyday.

*husbands should take their wives out to dinner at least once a week (vise versa)...wives should cook dinner at least once a week (vise versa)

... but seriously? Queen of the World? It's going to be one tough job...

Sunday Scribblings #80

I just found this blog and would like to try my hand at it.

What it is: Sunday Scribblings was set up to provide inspiration and motivation for anyone who enjoys writing and would like a weekly challenge.

How it works?
* Every Saturday (or thereabouts!) we'll post a writing prompt. (No, not on Sunday because then you can post your writing on Sunday!)
* You create a piece of writing inspired by that writing prompt.
* You post your writing on your blog and leave a comment here to let us know you have participated. (Please try to leave us the perma-link to the actual post if you can!)
* We'll publish the links here for people to follow and read!

I will be starting at #80 - First Job, Worst Job, Dream Job

First real job... one that I regularly get paid for, was for a pharmaceutical company. It was a full-time, temp job, classified as "auxiliary promotions". As the title implied, it was to promote a newly released drug (high dose antibiotics). My job was like a typical medical representative, without the pressure of having to make a quota. I loved this job. I met a lot of interesting people, made a lot of friends and got to visit places I've never been to. The best part was when you get to sit down and talk to the doctors at length (at times, not even job related), and to the patients, somewhat sharing their lives for a short while.

I don't think I have one that qualifies for the worst job. In a way I guess I've been lucky. I did move around quite a bit, sort of trying to find my niche in society. I've worked mostly in my own field of interest which is library science, so yep, I am a librarian, through and through. Did some consulting jobs, was an assistant and moved to being head librarian. I got to work in different kinds of libraries too, from public, private, non-profit orgs, and school libraries. I think I enjoyed school libraries the most, not only because I have a lot to do everyday, but I also get to teach kids what fun libraries are. It's always heartwarming to see a kid find joy in sitting down quietly in one corner and read.

All that changed when I uprooted myself from my comfort zone and moved to the United States. Here, I got to try all sorts of jobs, from activities coordinator in a retirement home, to a receptionist/all around office person, customer service and even a tiny bit of accounting, before finally landing where I am right now... yep! you guessed right, in a library. I love working in a library. Aside from the obvious quiet environment, I get to read to my hearts content, surf the web, learn new things and help my always seemingly lost students.

As for my dream job? Hmmm... I don't really know, simply because I haven't even started going that way. I would eventually like to take up a course in culinary arts, not only because we (everyone in the family), love to eat, but also because I love trying new things in the kitchen. As with everything else, not all endeavors turn out right, but hey! I can always try again. So, the dream job? maybe a chef? but it has to be my own business. That way, I also get to be the boss :)

Remembering...

The light played tricks on the wooden mahogany box sitting on the table. Shadows danced, a faint lavander perfume permeates the air, the silence deafening, the heart heavy as memories rush forth unbidden.

A year... has it been that already? Somehow it still feels like yesterday. I can never forget that moment when I received a text message saying you have been rushed to the hospital. News were not forthcoming. The country had just been buffeted by a vicious storm and phone lines are bad if not downright busted. Suddenly, my world came crashing down. The source of my strength weakened as you lie in your hospital bed. I wanted to be there, but we were, literally, oceans apart. By the time I came, you were gone.

I blamed myself. I could not grieve, could not even shed a tear. Death took you, just when we were about to live life. All the planning, all the sacrifices, the loneliness... it almost amounted to nothing. But even in death as sure as if you'd been alive, you made sure that everything will turn out right.

I hear your voice in my solitude, gently reminding me of my promise... telling me to believe. I hear your laughter when I do things just as you would, I see your tears when I cry, and I feel you, just as if you were here by my side. The past year has not been easy, and it will not be for years to come. Grief is just beginning to sink in, but I take comfort in knowing that you reside here in my heart.

Words will never be enough. I love you, Tatay.

We miss you, Tatay.

What Classic Movie Are You?

I've been tagged by Rach, looks like we're on the same page :)

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Photohunt - CURVY

Taken at the Griffith Observatory. I remember seeing this exhibit and thinking how nice it must be to see such beauty up close. One of the things we can thank technology for... a chance to see the beauty of what's beyond the limits of our horizon.

Ella's Birthday

Ella (the birthday celebrant), with Ralline and Mary Ann eating to their hearts content at Mickey's.... wish I was there, if not for the food then for the good looking chefs I've heard so much about :)

PhotoHunt - Original

First science project - This is my son's very first science project when he first started school here in California. It took us a lot of re-shaping before we got the marble to go straight through the tube.

100% Pinoy Librarian

My dear friend and kumpare Igor has very kindly sent me this new ILS shirt (the back reads "100% Pinoy Librarian", the front says "And isip, tulad ng aklat, ay mainam kung bukas")... the least I can do is model it, he he.... Thanks a lot ;D

Paper

Books - I think, are the best products that ever came out of paper. It does not justify the dwindling trees in the forests, but at least it contributed something good for mankind. Now with better technology, information and knowledge are being disseminated with less danger to trees.

Sunrise

View in the morning when I wake up.

Plastic

My son, making his science project out of heavy plastic and wood. He came up with a mini-hovercraft. The picture is minus the leaf-blower used to inflate the plastic.

Fun! Fun! Fun!

Photo Hunt - Music

I know, I know, I'm late... but I am never near a computer on Saturdays...I have this picture posted in my blog before. Mind you, I cannot carry a tune, so I labeled this "love is deaf".

Monday Madness

1. Do you have children in school? Yes, I have 2, one in high school and one in college.

2. Are YOU currently in school (any level)? Not right now, maybe in the future.

3. Did you (or your children) attend a public or private school? Me and my kids attended a private catholic school in the Philippines from pre-school to highschool. I graduated college from the University of the Philippines, Diliman (state university). My daughter went to UP for one semester before moving here to the US, she is now enrolled in a community college. My son is in grade 9 at Alhambra High School.

4. As far as formal education, what level have you completed? Post-graduate, although I am a thesis shy of completing my masters degree.

5. Do you, or did you have loans out for your (or your children's) education? For me, no. There was no need. For my kids, now that they are here, we might have to take out loans... that is if we don't qualify for any scholarships :p

6. What are your thoughts on the cost of tuition for colleges and universities? Costs of tuition for community colleges I guess are okay. As long as one is a resident of that state, discounts are applicable. Costs of books are way too expensive, though, especially if you do not have financial aid or scholarships. Of course, transferring to a university is another matter... hopefully, we can qualify for a scholarship or at least get some financial aid to help with expenses.

Special Thanks

Tito Noel and Tita Judith, our hosts during our stay in Las Vegas. Thank you so much for taking us in and letting us enjoy your company. It was great meeting the two of you. And of course, Ralline, one of the Sistahuds, again... saying thank you will never be enough for all that you have shared with me and my family. You made this trip possible and just in case you don't know it, me and the kids enjoyed our mini-vacation very much. Hope to see you again before you return to the Philippines.

Las Vegas-Day 1

HOT! HOT! HOT! As in super duper hot. But I guess not hot enough to stop us from going shopping at the Las Vegas Premium Outlets.

The main reason why we braved the heat... Big Dog Sportswear. Got Axel two shirts and a pair of swim shorts... Ralline got something for herself and her Cheeblings :)

Buffet lunch at Circus Circus

Trying our luck at this giant slot machine. Man! That lever was sooooo heavy, it took the whole of me dangling from it to actually move down... wah ha ha!!!

108 Floors up... Stratosphere Hotel, at this height your perspective can certainly change :P

The rides Kyla wanted to try... she rode Insanity (will have more on another post)



Coca-cola's new models...

Hmmm... and I thought I was the one excited about going to M&M's World