One whole year has passed. Once again, here I am celebrating my birthday. Last year's birthday was the first one in years to be celebrated with almost everyone in the family present... yes, my Dad went away too soon to be with us that day. And this year, what makes it even sadder is the fact that we are now two members of the family short... this time, it was my sister who passed away last December. It's hard to live day to day without their presence. I guess I'm just too used to having them around all the time or at least after my case or just a phone call away.
Looking back, I at least can say, I have partially fulfilled my promise to my Dad. I know, partial is not enough, but I'm sure he understands why it has to be that way... at least for now.
Nothing can ever make up for the loss of my Dad and my sister. Be as it may, I am still thankful for a lot of things that came my way.
To Tatay ang Ate Beth - both of you made it a point of looking after everyone else. I think that's the reason why even now that both of you are gone, we still go on as if we'd wake up and find both of you here, with us. It's been hard, first with Tatay gone, then Ate Beth... but just knowing how much we are loved by both of you is enough to keep us going. And for that, thank you.
To Glenn - I never thought I'd see myself do this, but thank you. Took me a long time to understand just who you were and how important you were in my life. Now I know. You were the push I needed to get me to where I'm supposed to be. Took a lot of pain, a lot of tears to get there, but I made it. I hope you've found happiness wherever you are, just as you have led me to mine without even knowing it. Again, thank you.
To Andre - the one true friend who stayed by my side at my worst. The only friend that I miss the most because I've lost you. I lost you when I left, It was all my fault I know. Now I am glad that you are with someone who loves you the way you deserved to be loved. I hope someday I'll be able to see you again and meet this lovely woman you chose to spend the rest of your life with. To you and your wife, thank you.
To Dibbs and her beloved - the two people who knows me better than I know myself. It's sometimes scary that both of you know what I'm thinking and what I'm going through even without me saying anything. Most of the time, both of you will say something just because you picked up something at the sound of my voice. Dibbs, you've always been an integral part of me. I could never have made it this far if you have not been there to guide me. Sometimes, just listening to me ramble on is enough to calm me down and make me see what it is I have to do. Beloved, you have this amazing knack of knowing when I need cheering up. It's like you have this massive antenna aimed at me telling you I needed someone to talk to. We've not seen each other in years, yet you have been present in everything that's happened in my life. Both of you have made life a little easier and no amount of gratitude can ever repay that. Know that I am also here for both of you whenever you need me. I love you both and am glad that I have the two of you in my life.
To Ralline, Ella and MaryAnn - the other 3 members of the Sistahuds. You all must think that I always get myself into a lot of unnecessary trouble. Yet, inspite of that you guys never wavered in your belief in me. Whatever it is, you just take everything in stride and still love me for what I am. I am so blessed to have friends like the three of you. Remember, I may not be with you physically, but you can always count on me.
To Pet, Bong and their respective wives - Years may pass without us seeing each other, but somehow, the bonds of friendship that we all share is made stronger. Everytime I go back, both of you always made me feel as if I've never left. Thanks to your wives for putting up with me ;)
To Nap and Family - Lost time because of distance and busy schedules. All these matters not. No matter how busy you were with your schedule, you always know when it's time to step in ang give me a much needed shaking, or a shoulder to cry on, or a joke to make me smile... even a song to remind me of how precious life can be especially with friends like you. Saying thank you will never be enough... To your wife, who I've met, thank you for treating me like an old friend even though we've only seen each other once. I'm so glad that Nap found you or is it you who found him? Much love to both of you and to your little one.
To my ex-husband and his wife - I will pray that you finally get what you've both been hoping for. I'll have this as part of my birthday wish...
To my Mom - I know it is hard, first to lose the man you love, then to lose a daughter, in a span of 13 months. I know because I too am feeling the loss. There is nothing much I can give you at this point, our loss can never be recovered, but I'm still here and your grandchildren are here. We've always joked that you are my sister's Mom and I am my father's daughter, but behind that joke, we all knew that we are family and we are loved.
To Kyla - I hope you finally find it in you to be strong, just as I know you are. All you need is to believe in yourself and you will find that elusive happiness you always seem to be losing. I know happiness can come from being in love, but beyond that true happiness is being true to yourself, accepting what you are and finding happiness in it. Believe and you will become.
To Axel - I have placed a lot of responsibilities on your shoulders at such a young age. And though you never complained, I know how hard it must be for you. Keep believing and keep dreaming...
To my other friends - no, you have not been forgotten. I hold you all close to my heart.
To the source of my happiness - yes, this time, aside from my kids, there is someone else. Thank you. I may not be able to express myself as clearly as I would like, but that's just the way it is. Never for a moment doubt what I've told you, I have doubted myself enough for the both of us. For everything that's been said, I can only thank my lucky stars that anything was said at all. For more that's been left unsaid... maybe someday we'll know.
Looking back, I at least can say, I have partially fulfilled my promise to my Dad. I know, partial is not enough, but I'm sure he understands why it has to be that way... at least for now.
Nothing can ever make up for the loss of my Dad and my sister. Be as it may, I am still thankful for a lot of things that came my way.
To Tatay ang Ate Beth - both of you made it a point of looking after everyone else. I think that's the reason why even now that both of you are gone, we still go on as if we'd wake up and find both of you here, with us. It's been hard, first with Tatay gone, then Ate Beth... but just knowing how much we are loved by both of you is enough to keep us going. And for that, thank you.
To Glenn - I never thought I'd see myself do this, but thank you. Took me a long time to understand just who you were and how important you were in my life. Now I know. You were the push I needed to get me to where I'm supposed to be. Took a lot of pain, a lot of tears to get there, but I made it. I hope you've found happiness wherever you are, just as you have led me to mine without even knowing it. Again, thank you.
To Andre - the one true friend who stayed by my side at my worst. The only friend that I miss the most because I've lost you. I lost you when I left, It was all my fault I know. Now I am glad that you are with someone who loves you the way you deserved to be loved. I hope someday I'll be able to see you again and meet this lovely woman you chose to spend the rest of your life with. To you and your wife, thank you.
To Dibbs and her beloved - the two people who knows me better than I know myself. It's sometimes scary that both of you know what I'm thinking and what I'm going through even without me saying anything. Most of the time, both of you will say something just because you picked up something at the sound of my voice. Dibbs, you've always been an integral part of me. I could never have made it this far if you have not been there to guide me. Sometimes, just listening to me ramble on is enough to calm me down and make me see what it is I have to do. Beloved, you have this amazing knack of knowing when I need cheering up. It's like you have this massive antenna aimed at me telling you I needed someone to talk to. We've not seen each other in years, yet you have been present in everything that's happened in my life. Both of you have made life a little easier and no amount of gratitude can ever repay that. Know that I am also here for both of you whenever you need me. I love you both and am glad that I have the two of you in my life.
To Ralline, Ella and MaryAnn - the other 3 members of the Sistahuds. You all must think that I always get myself into a lot of unnecessary trouble. Yet, inspite of that you guys never wavered in your belief in me. Whatever it is, you just take everything in stride and still love me for what I am. I am so blessed to have friends like the three of you. Remember, I may not be with you physically, but you can always count on me.
To Pet, Bong and their respective wives - Years may pass without us seeing each other, but somehow, the bonds of friendship that we all share is made stronger. Everytime I go back, both of you always made me feel as if I've never left. Thanks to your wives for putting up with me ;)
To Nap and Family - Lost time because of distance and busy schedules. All these matters not. No matter how busy you were with your schedule, you always know when it's time to step in ang give me a much needed shaking, or a shoulder to cry on, or a joke to make me smile... even a song to remind me of how precious life can be especially with friends like you. Saying thank you will never be enough... To your wife, who I've met, thank you for treating me like an old friend even though we've only seen each other once. I'm so glad that Nap found you or is it you who found him? Much love to both of you and to your little one.
To my ex-husband and his wife - I will pray that you finally get what you've both been hoping for. I'll have this as part of my birthday wish...
To my Mom - I know it is hard, first to lose the man you love, then to lose a daughter, in a span of 13 months. I know because I too am feeling the loss. There is nothing much I can give you at this point, our loss can never be recovered, but I'm still here and your grandchildren are here. We've always joked that you are my sister's Mom and I am my father's daughter, but behind that joke, we all knew that we are family and we are loved.
To Kyla - I hope you finally find it in you to be strong, just as I know you are. All you need is to believe in yourself and you will find that elusive happiness you always seem to be losing. I know happiness can come from being in love, but beyond that true happiness is being true to yourself, accepting what you are and finding happiness in it. Believe and you will become.
To Axel - I have placed a lot of responsibilities on your shoulders at such a young age. And though you never complained, I know how hard it must be for you. Keep believing and keep dreaming...
To my other friends - no, you have not been forgotten. I hold you all close to my heart.
To the source of my happiness - yes, this time, aside from my kids, there is someone else. Thank you. I may not be able to express myself as clearly as I would like, but that's just the way it is. Never for a moment doubt what I've told you, I have doubted myself enough for the both of us. For everything that's been said, I can only thank my lucky stars that anything was said at all. For more that's been left unsaid... maybe someday we'll know.
3 comments:
*Hug*
Thanks... and welcome back!
Belated Happy Birthday Maria.
This is a heartwarming post. I could read the mixture of emotions behind your words as you thanked significant persons in your life.
Take care and God bless.
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